Beam Me Up
Beam Me Up

The Archive of Suffering

Every issue we've inflicted on ourselves, in one place.
SUMMER LEAGUE IS OVER. WE FEEL THINGS.

Jul 23, 2026

•

5 min read

SUMMER LEAGUE IS OVER. WE FEEL THINGS.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #007

THE VIBES ARE REAL (THE ROSTER IS COMPLICATED)

Jul 16, 2026

•

5 min read

THE VIBES ARE REAL (THE ROSTER IS COMPLICATED)

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #006

THE BEAM TEAM IS REAL (PROBABLY)

Jul 9, 2026

•

4 min read

THE BEAM TEAM IS REAL (PROBABLY)

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #005

The Waiting Room

Jul 2, 2026

•

4 min read

The Waiting Room

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #004

Hope, Actually

Jun 25, 2026

•

4 min read

Hope, Actually

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #003

EVERYBODY WINS (EXCEPT US)

Jun 18, 2026

•

3 min read

EVERYBODY WINS (EXCEPT US)

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #002

THE PURPLE REIGN OF TERROR

Jun 14, 2026

•

3 min read

THE PURPLE REIGN OF TERROR

A Sacramento Kings newsletter for people who keep watching anyway. Issue #001