Beam Me Up
Beam Me Up

The Archive of Suffering

Every issue we've inflicted on ourselves, in one place.
CAMP IS HERE. DUREN IS WATCHING. LET'S GO.

Sep 17, 2026

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4 min read

CAMP IS HERE. DUREN IS WATCHING. LET'S GO.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #013

BEN SIMMONS IS A SACRAMENTO KING. WE ARE CHOOSING TO BE EXCITED.

Sep 10, 2026

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4 min read

BEN SIMMONS IS A SACRAMENTO KING. WE ARE CHOOSING TO BE EXCITED.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #012

THE WAITING IS ALMOST OVER.

Sep 3, 2026

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6 min read

THE WAITING IS ALMOST OVER.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #011

RUSS IS GONE. THE SCHEDULE IS HERE. OCTOBER IS COMING.

Aug 20, 2026

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4 min read

RUSS IS GONE. THE SCHEDULE IS HERE. OCTOBER IS COMING.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #010

STILL NOTHING. NOW WITH RUMORS.

Aug 6, 2026

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4 min read

STILL NOTHING. NOW WITH RUMORS.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #009

NOTHING HAPPENED AND WE WROTE ABOUT IT ANYWAY

Jul 30, 2026

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5 min read

NOTHING HAPPENED AND WE WROTE ABOUT IT ANYWAY

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #008

SUMMER LEAGUE IS OVER. WE FEEL THINGS.

Jul 23, 2026

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5 min read

SUMMER LEAGUE IS OVER. WE FEEL THINGS.

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #007

THE VIBES ARE REAL (THE ROSTER IS COMPLICATED)

Jul 16, 2026

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5 min read

THE VIBES ARE REAL (THE ROSTER IS COMPLICATED)

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #006

THE BEAM TEAM IS REAL (PROBABLY)

Jul 9, 2026

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4 min read

THE BEAM TEAM IS REAL (PROBABLY)

Life as a Kings fan · Issue #005